Saturday, August 22, 2009

Pictures of Faith

After her sunrise Baptism our last morning in karen.


When you first meet Faith she has an incredibly shy smile. Her lips sealed tight, one side of her mouth slowly starts to turn upward as the other attempts to remains straight laced. As if she is embarrassed she usually lets out a small laugh when she surrenders to her smile. I pray for the day when she lives in constant surrender to her beautiful smile.

Pleading Faith's Case

We met Faith our last week in Kenya. We came to the Karen property (orphanage) on a Saturday morning when the girls’ relatives were invited to visit. Faith had only been at the orphanage for 5 days at that point and had no visitors that morning. Consequently, Bethany and I sat down with Faith, and decided that we would act as her family members. Faith captured our hearts within moments. Though her story is heartbreaking, it wasn’t anything particular she shared with us that turned our hearts toward her, though she has a shining personality it was not her open heart that opened ours up to hers, for by the time we heard her story and got to know her personality I believe God had already planted within us a deep concern and love for Faith, God was indeed planning something. We feel certain that part of this plan is sharing her story with you.
Faith is a fourteen year old orphan. Her mother died while she was still an infant and her father passed away when she was four. Though young when her father died, she can still remember that she looked like him and that he excelled in math like herself. She has been living with her aunt and cousin since the death of her father. Almost immediately after sitting down to lunch that Saturday, Faith told me that her 20 year old cousin had been raping her, and her aunt had neglected and physically abused her. What do you say to a little girl that shares such tragic circumstances so matter of factly? I said I was sorry and took her hand. A little while later I asked Faith about her likes and dislikes, her dreams and fears. She loves playing netball (volleyball) and basketball, her favorite color is red, and she likes to dance to Michael Jackson’s older music, most of all though, Faith loves school. She told me if she could finish her education she would be happy.
She excels in her studies, but her aunt doesn’t want her to continue her schooling and so her aunt refused to pay for her school fees, claiming that her education was too much of a financial strain. Faith is at the top of her class excelling especially in Mathematics and English. One of Faith’s teachers had compassion for her and decided to pay for her education. With school fees no longer an excuse to not allow Faith to go to school, Faith’s aunt began to complain that she simply could not afford the money for the bus rides to and from school. Determined to stay in school, Faith decided to wake up at four in the morning each day so that she could walk to school with her best friend, who is also orphaned and alone. The girls’ teacher paid for both of their lunches, and sometimes that would be the only food either girl had that day. Faith’s aunt would often refuse to feed her and would occasionally beat her. The aunt did nothing about the sexual assaults of her son. When Faith told her of the abuse she refused to believe it, claiming her son would never do such a thing. Faith’s showed up at her teacher’s house after running away one night. The following day the teacher reported the abuse to the government and Faith was then temporarily placed in the First Love orphange, She is to remain there until her court date (which is yet to be announced,)
Faith has not known much love in her life, her reactions to giving her quality time along with some of our clothes made this obvious. Her face expression when given compliments made me doubt she has ever been told how beautiful or special she is. I don’t believe she has never had a shoulder to cry on a truth my jeans, which had been soaked with her tears when she cried in my lap for a solid hour, confirmed. And she has never had her own Bible, this I know, because when we gave her one she held onto it as if it were the most precious of jewels, because when she said “I’m going to go get my Bible,” she would look at us with anticipation waiting for us to confirm yet again that it was indeed hers, and because when all her “sisters” were watching a movie she would sneak out 30 minutes before it was over so that we could read scripture together. She loves the Lord, and in Him she is finding hope.
Bethany and I were anxious to know whether she would be able to stay at the First Love girls home permanently after the court case was closed. We asked Karen (the house mom) what the possibilities were and what role we could play in making sure she ended up in a safe and loving place. We were told that after her case goes to court, (assuming her cousin is justly convicted) the likelihood is that she will be relocated to a government-run home. This is not what we want to see happen, we desperately want her to remain at the Karen property where she has so easily come to find family in the other 22 girls in an environment that shows her the Love of Christ, and exposes her to the truths of His Word. Bethany and I would like to plead her case to anyone who has been touched by her story. The impediments to her staying in Karen are purely financial. Another set of bunk beds needs to be purchased to create the needed bed space, and she would also need to be sponsored to stay at the property (sponsorship covers food, school fees, clothes etc.) We would love to hear from anyone who is interested in financially supporting Faith in any way. Even if you do not personally have the resources to fully fund her, there are many ways that even a small donation would go a long way in providing for some of her basic needs, like clothing. Thank you again, please keep this precious girl in your prayers. She made me promise that I would tuck her into bed each night with a prayer when I wake up in the morning, Im sure she wouldn't mind a few goodnight prayers from all of you as well :)
Coming up...
The story and video of Faith's Baptism
Reverse culture shock: Life back in America
Slide show of first few weeks in Kenya

Friday, August 21, 2009

Hello everyone!
I want to apologize for taking so long to update you all! Coming back home has certainly been an adjustment, but we dont want to neglect sharing with you all how God is continuing to move, as well as sharing more of the stories we didnt have time to write out while in Kenya.
First off, thank you as always for your prayers upon our last request. Though Sarah never came back to say goodbye, we do not believe your prayers went unheard. We don't know what would have happened had she come, perhaps it was God's protection, whatever the case God's timing is perfect and we have faith that He will continue His work in her whether we are there or not. We are going to continue to try and grow in our knowledge of spiritual warefare, and pray that God would show us how to pray and move us as to when to pray for Sarah. God is good and we are so grateful that we would allow us to witness His power and mercy in such a tangible way.
One more thing- just because we aren't in Kenya at this moment, doesn't mean this journey is over, and we still have so much to share, we want to encourage you to still check out the blog from time to time as I am sure there will be a pretty solid stream of posts coming in for a while longer.
God bless,
Charlotte

Monday, August 10, 2009

Casting Out and Call to Prayer

We shut the door behind us and sit down in the small office. It’s just the three of us now, me, Bethany, and Sarah. It’s two o’clock and her mother is expecting her back by two thirty, we have half an hour to minister to a girl plagued by demons, knowing full well we may never see her again. We bow our heads and pray, we pray for wisdom, we pray for discernment, we pray for healing, we pray for strength, and we pray for protection, it’s our first battle, and we aren’t about to go in unarmed. Bethany picks up the bible, and I look at Sarah, “we are going to pray for you the way we all did when Rick was here, is that ok with you?” she agrees and I ask her to close her eyes. “In the name and power of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior, I forbid any and all demons in Sarah to be violent, to throw up, to cause harm to her or us, to be showy, to try and scare us, to seek revenge…I forbid any outside demons from assisting or aiding any demons in Sarah…”

After laying some ground rules, I call the spirit to attention. I have previously and consistently felt that a spirit named Death was present, and so I acknowledge it directly. Her body slumps over, Sarah doesn’t seem to be mentally present anymore, she just sits there limply. “Look at me,” I command the spirit. We want to confirm who it is, what it wants, and who is in charge. “In the name of Jesus Christ, look at me…” I continue to command it, her eyes flutter and her head moves, the demon is present, it’s aware, but it’s being stubborn. I ask Bethany to start reading scripture, she keeps reading, and Sarah’s eyes glance over at Bethany multiple times, it doesn’t like hearing God’s word, its challenging her and she knows it. We had prayed before that Bethany and I would be unified as a team, that our deliverance session would be organized and when one is talking the other is praying, (she later told me that she needed to enter into the situation more fully and confront the spirit, and I confirmed that I felt that I needed to keep my pride in check and humble myself) and so we switch spots, I begin to read from a Kiswahili bible and she begins to rebuke the demon. As I continue to read it covers Sarah’s ears, Bethany commands it uncover her ears and it does, she tells it to listen in Kiswahli, she says firmly, “You have no choice but to listen to us, Christ has already defeated your master, you might as well save yourself the pain and tell us what we want to know sooner rather than later. I am not afraid you.”

Throughout the next hour we battle, in spirit and in truth. We continue to tell the demon of our power in Christ, and the reality of the resurrection. The demon within her squirms at times like a child who can’t sit still during a dentist visit, her arms bend, her head moves, a muffled “ouch” is uttered and I feel her head, its burning. I place my hand on her head and command that the burning pain stop, her head begins to cool, and as it cools, my arm floods with pain, it’s not a familiar pain, it’s as if I’m being squeezed from the inside out. Bethany notices immediately and forbids that the pain continue any longer. As we speak to the demon, it begins to cover her ears again. We stop and pray for wisdom, I notice a water bottle next to me and decide to anoint it. Taking the holy water in my hand I make the sign of a cross on her forehead, she grabs her forehead as if in pain. Again it covers her ears, so I dab some water on her ears, her hands drop to her lap. I take a bit more and spread it over her eyelids, it rubs her eyes so much we pray protection over her eyes so that no harm would come. Finally after threat of more holy water I command it to look at me, it raises her head, and her eyes begin to turn upward and for a moment they lock with mine, her whole body jolts in one quick convulsion, fear overwhelms it’s eyes, I know it has seen the power of Christ within me.

We take turns questioning the demon we believe to be Death, we ask it what its name is but it shakes her head, when we ask it if it is a spirit of death it nods her head. “Are you in charge?” it shakes her head, “who is in charge?” it shakes her head, “is there another demon more powerful than you?” it nods her head. “Can you speak?” it shakes her head. After a long amount of time demanding it to give us a name, Bethany considers asking it to respond in writing. When she commands it to take the pen and paper it does so and when we ask it what its name is, it begins to write. We quickly realize it is writing in Kiswahili and Bethany leaves to find someone to translate for us. We bring in Anne, a Kenyan woman who works with first love, she says he wrote, “sorry I can’t speak, I am going.” We push harder, each command now being translated, the demon responds faster and seems more alert, “Pole naenda pole sana kwaheri,” (sorry I’m going sorry bye.) We tell it that it will only leave when we say it can leave, that we are in control. I ask it if it’s had enough and if it’s is ready to leave for good, it nods her head. We tell it to tell us who is in charge again, “I cant, Im going goodbye,” it writes back. We ask it where it is, it tells us it is nearby but not in her, it says that it is very tired. We finally cast it out, ask angels to come take it away and bring it to the feet of Jesus, we don’t want him waiting just outside the door, only to come back stronger. Her body slumps over again it what appears to be release. We call the spirit to attention to be sure it wasn’t lying or bluffing. We continue to several minutes to be sure command that in truth it answer if it is still present. No answer comes, Bethany experiences peace, and Sarah begins to wake up. We feel like we can start to talk to Sarah again. She starts talking about how tired she is, she asks if she has been there long and when she realizes she has been there for hours, she tells us that the last thing she remembers it eating rice. We take the time to explain to her what has happened, we tell her that the spirit of death is gone, and we do our best to equip her for how to fight them off and rebuke them herself. We tell her it is in the power of Jesus, and she believes that, and yet she cannot bring herself to make a commitment to decidedly choose Christ. Knowing we may never see her again, we give her two bibles, a small pocket sized New Testament and a full Bible, she is overjoyed and anxious to start reading on her own. We walk her back to her home and say our goodbyes, that night we pray that we will see her again one day, that we will see her come to know Christ, and see her free of all demonic oppression.

I must admit to all you readers that posting this was not easy, not because it’s hard to talk about, but because it’s a challenge to decide whether I can fully explain to you what it was like, and how it all happened, and how we are affected by it. I would prefer to have these conversations in person, but I also know that if I am asking you all to pray, I think it only fair you know what exactly you are praying for. Please don’t feel fear when reading this, God’s word tells us that perfect love casts out fear, and that Him who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. Witnessing the power of God is amazing, humbling, and encouraging. Be encouraged not afraid, we serve a mighty God who wants to use us to set the captives free and bind up the broken hearted!

I have to share with you some exciting news, Thursday afternoon we were walking through a village market and I thought I heard Sarah’s voice, I turned around half consciously to see her standing there behind me. Over many laughs and hugs we asked her why she wasn’t in Tanzania, she told us that the trip was cancelled she wouldn’t be moving there and won’t be visiting until December! Praise the Lord! Tanzania is known for its dark magic and knowing she will be at the school with the First Love staff and not visiting some witch doctor is a huge answer to prayer. In addition we will get to see her one last time (tomorrow.)

We need you to be praying, we do not know if we will be confronting anymore demons but we need to be prepared. However, we do not only desire your prayers for protection and discernment, more than anything we want to see her make a commitment to Christ. It seems very possible that her inability to commit is a result of demonic influence, pray against that influence, and pray that God would break that hold on her through us. We will be at the school around midnight to 6 am California time. We know this makes getting people to pray difficult but we would really appreciate you committing to an hour, half hour, etc, during that time to back us up in prayer. We love you all, thank you for your support, encouragement, and prayers. God Bless!

Friday, August 7, 2009

I SAID do I look fat in this?

The last time I wrote to you all on this matter, I made known my assumptions about the Kenyan culture and its relationships with this age old question. The conversation at the dinner table last night leads me to expand on and confirm my previous thoughts. After Irene inadvertently called me a pig after my second helping, their son pascal told me not to feel bad because his sister would be coming home tomorrow and she is bigger than me. He said that after watching her eat I won’t have to feel bad. I proceeded to tell them that you would never be able to call someone fat in America, they all thought this was very funny, and Corrine (Irene’s 20 year old daughter) added that if she runs into old school mates they have no problem telling her that she has gotten fat. Again I told them that in my house had my brother called me fat he would have been sent to his room or at least moderately lectured. I also shared with them that after a friend at home told me, “You should do a few sit ups, your future husband will thank me,” he promptly apologized the next day, again they laughed and said no one would ever apologize for such a thing. Eventually they concluded that said friend must be part Kenyan, but that I shouldn’t worry because “you’re not fat…but neither are you thin.”

Bananas and Bride Prices

On Saturday the 18th Charlotte and I went to the market with Elizabeth, Irene’s niece. We walked from the house down the super duper bumpy road to the main road and hopped into a matatu. The door manager pretty much sat on me because my seat was the closest to the door. Charlotte and Elizabeth were sharing a seat directly behind me. My personal bubble was definitely popped. Fortunately, we didn’t have far to go, so the ride was not totally unbearable. At the market, we purchased sweet potatoes. The produce sellers kept telling Charlotte and me to buy their fruits or vegetables, despite the fact that we flat out told them we had absolutely no money with us and that it was Elizabeth who was buying things. They continued to direct their sales pitches to us, fairly ignoring Elizabeth. Talk about cheating yourself out of a sale. After we left the potato sellers, we searched for some good bananas. The men we bought the bananas from begged Elizabeth "For the love of God, tell them we are single!" It was pretty ridiculous. Chris was very optimistic about our prospects when we told him this. He thinks we could go back and bargain 24 cows apiece for our bride prices. I talked to my dad about it, and he thinks we should hold out for 25 cows and a chicken. It’s nice to be highly valued.

~Bethany

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

...to escape the bumpy car ride. Today someone gave Irene a gift of a chicken. Consequently, it had to come on the car ride home with us all the way from Raila, with a brief stop in Karen, and finally to Chris and Irene’s home. The poor chicken was very unhappy during the last league of the journey as we bumped our way down the dirt and rock street that leads to our house. It clucked its disapproval without restraint and made an escape attempt or two from its cardboard box. Several feathers were loosed during the traumatic experience. This adventure answers the question that I am sure no one in history had previously thought to ponder: would a chicken enjoy an amusement park? The answer, according to a hen whose eggs are now all scrambled, is a resounding NO!!!

~Bethany

Peace in God's Timing

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." ~ Psalm 4:8

For the first time in a long time, Sarah slept peacefully three nights in a row last weekend when she stayed with us. She slept in a room that overflowed with God’s peace and was surrounded with His protection. Each night we rebuked any demons that were planning to interfere or cause trouble, and we prayed in faith that God would put a hedge of protection around us and that we would enjoy a restful night’s sleep. God answered so many prayers that weekend, He is so faithful!

In our last update we left off telling you that she woke up wanting to know more about Christ, and so we spent the much of our Saturday reading through the gospels of John and Luke. Each time we discussed it with her she would say she believed and yet she couldn’t bring herself to make a commitment, she didn’t exactly know why she was a Muslim but she also didn’t want to turn her back on it. It’s as if anytime she is faced with the decision, confusion fogs her mind, in fact her speech often becomes a bit disconnected. Even still she insisted she wanted to keep learning. Saturday afternoon we went to the market, enjoyed some ice cream and baked dinner for the family, it was certainly a blessed time. The next morning we went to church, Sarah hadn’t known that we wanted her join us and was thrilled when we assured her she would be coming.

This was Sarah’s first time in church, so we were careful to be prepared for anything. We arrived early to find that a time of prayer was taking place before the service and so we joined in. At one point everyone was asked to spend time in prayer alone but aloud. About five minutes in, I asked Sarah how she felt, I was not surprised to hear that her head was burning and that she had the strong urge to run out of the room. She said despite the pain and struggle to remain inside the building, she felt peace in the church and was doing her best enjoy the service. Throughout the actual service her behavior and level of pain heavily depended on what was going on. During times of worship and prayer she felt something kicking her back, and Bethany and I were consistently feeling heat on her head and responding with prayers for healing. During announcements or church news she felt very little, but again any reading of scripture or talk of Christ brought about more physical pain. Despite her apparent discomfort I could not help but tear up and lift my hands in praise as I watched her smile and sincerely seem to be allowing the words of each worship song to wash over her in joy as she attempted to clap and sing along.

The rest of the day we walked around town, she remained quiet and seemed a bit out of sorts, but I suppose so would I if I spent most of my life in the slum and had only been outside its walls for medical attention or a drive to the upcountry. Bethany and I were so excited to eat at an American type restaurant that we hadn’t even considered the fact that she had never been to a restaurant let alone a nice one. She didn’t know how to order or use the menu, and I struggled much of the day with whether we were treating her to a nice lunch or if the amount spent was more of an insult than a blessing. Ironically enough, mine and Bethany’s food choice turned out disappointing while she ordered what ended up being the best dish on the menu. We walked around town some more and finally took a matatu home.

It was a long day, and Bethany and I knew it was our last night with Sarah, we were all tired but we wanted to make the most of our time left. God’s timing is never our timing, and we had both hoped by that time some sort of decision would have been apparent, or that some deliverance could take place, but God is sovereign and His will never ceases to amaze me. We ended up watching a movie and practicing a bit of our Kiswahili before bed, certainly not what I expected the night to look like. Her family was planning on leaving for Tanzania Tuesday and we knew that Sunday night may be all the time we had left with her. Nonetheless Bethany and I both had a peace that God was working things out in a timeline He would soon reveal to us, and so he did when she walked into the school office at 1 o clock on Wednesday after we had given up hope of seeing her again…

We are working on writing out all that followed that afternoon and hope to post it soon.

P.S. Thank you all for your prayers, we cannot communicate enough how comforted and empowered we were and are by the prayers of our friends and family. God is good, and He heard your prayers.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

August 1st Update

Hey everyone just wanted to let you know how last night went and where today is headed! Its saturday morning here in Kenya, and we are encouraged by your prayers and God's faithfulness. Last night we watched the Chronicles of Narnia, Sarah loved it and was picking up the symbolism in it which lead to some good conversation after the movie. We spoke about what believed was going on inside of her, we talked about where she was in regards to Islam vs. Christianitity, and we shared with her that our greatest desire was to bring her into a loving relationship with the Lord, and through Him bring healing to her as well. She wants to be free, but she also confessed to not knowing enough about Islam or Christianity to make a decision but that she wants to know more. When asked what was keeping her from putting her faith in Christ she responded that she had many questions but that when she tries to ask us her mind goes blank so we took the oppurtunity to pray for clarity and prayed against confusion. Soon after she began to share that she wanted to know how both religions "started" where the sacred books came from, what is the end of theetc. We went to bed soon after because we were all tired and prayed for a peaceful night and protection. We woke up the next morning to Sarah saying she slept through the whole night and only woke up once to the thought " I want to know more about Jesus." We had posted verses up on the walls around the room, and some at the heads of the bed, and she told us that when she woke up she automatically turned to read the one by her, and that she really liked it, and wanted to know Jesus today. So today we are going to be going through the story of salvation from creation to resurrection to Revelation. Please pray again for her salvation, for clarity of the gospel presentation, and for healing. Love you all! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Deliverance

Mark 16:16-18
16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

For those of you who have read the previous blog titled “Sarah” we would like to update you further and request an abundance of prayer over this next weekend.
After talking to and praying for Sarah, we shared with Rick and Steve, and as a team we prayed over and discussed the situation that night. While praying against the demons we believed to be in Sarah, Rick and I both received a picture of her looking extremely angry, specifically in her eyes. The next day confirmed that what we had seen was inside of her.
We asked Sarah’s permission to pray for her, and the 5 of us gathered in the pastor’s office. Rick asked her questions concerning her salvation as we attempted to discern what she meant when she said she believed in Christ. She confessed Christ as her savior (though we are currently thinking she may not understand that Islam and Christianity are mutually exclusive.) Rick asked Steve, Bethany, and I to quietly pray as he began to pray aloud and claim Sarah for the kingdom God and began to rebuke any demons. The 45 minutes or so that followed are difficult to explain. As Rick began to address the demons, Sarah no longer seemed present, she closed her eyes, her shoulders sagged, she often yawned and when asked questions she had a difficult time answering, at times of consciousness she complained of not being able to hear us well. When Rick demanded in the name of Christ her eyes be opened, what stared back was not the girl we had gotten to know but the eyes Rick and I had seen the night before. Rick repeatedly tried to get the demon to tell us what it wanted and how it got there, but it refused.
At one point while praying it was impressed upon me that we should try to weaken/fight the demon by reading scripture aloud and I suggested such to Rick. What followed should not be surprising. I read aloud Mark 16 hoping to remind the enemy of our victory through the Resurrection, Steve followed by reading Job 38… “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations? … Have you ever given orders to the morning or shown the dawn its place?...” (read it, even now I have goosebumps, our God is awesome.)We continued on and on reading verse after verse, speaking truth after truth. She covered her ears, closed her eyes again, and started stretching her arms over head in a manner that didn’t appear very comfortable. When bringing our attention back to Sarah, Rick would ask her what she was seeing or hearing, she would say in a strained voice that she felt darkness, at one point that she saw angry eyes, and complained of pain in her back, and felt very cold. For the majority of the time though her consciousness appeared to have shut down. Towards the end of our time Rick again tried to call Sarah to attention asking her to say Jesus is Lord, and then led her through the Lord’s prayer. This was a very long and drawn out process, at times she would barely whisper as she repeated after Rick, other times she would remain silent, eyes shut, seemingly shut off from us before finally repeating a verse. As the Holy Spirit led the time to a close, Rick ordered that that the demons be bound, that the voices would cease, that her headache would cease, and prayed a blessing of protection over her. As she came to, it became apparent to us that she didn’t seem to have any memory of the past hour. She said that she was exhausted and felt very weak, but as she regained her focus she spoke of peace and her headache being gone.
This was a new experience for all of us, it was a lot to process, a lot to try and make sense of. I do however feel that the Lord blessed us with an opportunity to learn, and opened the doors to minister to her again. She missed an entire week of school due to sickness and so we didn’t get to talk with her much but we continued to pray fervently. She returned to school this week and the Lord has brought about the opportunity for her to come spend the weekend with us. She is coming home with us tomorrow (Friday the 31st) and we want to put on the full armor of God and shower the following days in prayer.
Please pray…
· Through conversations we’ve had it has become evident that Sarah has had some damaging experiences in life such as instances of abuse, that may need to be dealt with before confronting any demons again. Please pray that Sarah would be able to forgive those who have brought hurt to her life, that she would be willing to share with us and that in return we would be able to speak truth and love her.
· Pray for protection over Sarah, Bethany, and myself as well as our friends and family that are praying for us.
· Please pray that we would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit; that we would seek to listen first and then act.
· Pray that if Sarah is not truly saved she would come to know Christ in full this weekend and renounce Allah and Islam.
· Pray that time and interruptions would not be a hindrance or constraint on our conversations or times of ministry/possible deliverance.
· Pray that we would have a spirit of boldness not of fear, an attitude of love and humility not control.
· Pray that this weekend would be a blessing to Sarah, a growing experience for us, and that all involved would experience the love and power of Christ.
· We will be taking Sarah to what is probably her first Sunday morning service at a Christian church. Pray that it would be a positive experience and that the message would speak to her.
· Pray that she would be delivered from the demons.

Friday, July 24, 2009

"Sarah"

We will call her Sarah for the caution’s sake and the delicate nature of her story. Sarah is almost 18 years old and only a freshman in high school. We met her within our first few days at the school; her vibrant and outgoing personality ensured we wouldn’t be there for long before knowing her name and face. Sarah wears the same white head covering to school every day, she is a Muslim. She is always seen socializing, making others laugh and forget the worries of their day. Everyone knows who Sarah is, “I am I” and “Me is Me” as she likes to joke. But at the risk of sounding cliché, something was not right, and there was a deep stirring in my heart that warned me and grew with each additional day spent with her.
I wish I could remember the details of that morning, that I could remember what exactly prompted and guided my conversation with Sarah in such a way that she began to reveal the dark afflictions of her life. She told me of the nights she walks around at night alone through the streets hearing phantom feet following closely behind, only to turn around and find a pair of faceless eyes filled with hate. She told me of the voices that plant evil desires in her heart, sometimes so strongly that she had to walk away so she wouldn’t bring harm to loved ones. She talked of nights she wakes up to something strangling her, something that enters her body and then exits again leaving her empty of all strength, she told me of the restlessness that plagues her and the desperate craving for peace. For one period of time school mates would confront her dangerous actions the previous night to which she would have no memory, and at one point she “woke up” far from home and could not remember her identity, she was put in a children’s home for months. In addition to tormenting nightmares and dark voices, Sarah is plagued by burning headaches and pains throughout her body. In fact sometimes her head burns so intensely that heat pours down to the tips of her head covering. Her parents naturally wanting to relieve their daughters illness sought out any help possible, whether it be the prayers of Muslim priests, “Christian” pastors who required payment, town doctors (witch doctors) and of course hospitals. The Muslim priest only offered false hope, with the pain always returning within a few days, the witch doctors I’m quite certain only gave the enemy a stronger hold on her body, and any visits to true doctors resulted in dead ends, each time doctors and medical tests would tell her the same thing, “There is nothing wrong with you.” This “illness” resulted in years of missing out on school, at times because of her dark behavior, at times because the pain made it nearly impossible to read or take examinations, consequently as mentioned earlier she is only in the 9th grade. She remains physically present but is rarely mentally engaged in the academia, as Sarah put it, “It’s useless, all I am is here, I am present, but I cannot learn, I cannot move forward, I can go nowhere,” hopelessness overwhelmed her attempt to smile. I am not one to jump to supernatural explanations for every hardship faced in life, however I believe those of us on the trip were all in agreement that the presence of the demonic affliction was the reality and to ignore it would only be give the enemy more power.
We continued to sit and talk with her in the hallway of the First Love office, she began to cry, and ashamed of her tears attempted to change the subject. Bethany and I both responded asking if we could step inside one of the private offices and offer her prayer. She accepted and we stepped into the small room and closed the door. I knew there was demonic attack occurring in her life, we had just happened to be reading a book on spiritual warfare, and I knew the Lord had been preparing us to meet Sarah. Attempting to quiet our hearts before the Lord, Bethany and I both seemed to be on the same page. We would wait to discuss with Steve and Pastor Rick about what we had heard in regards to the demons, for now we would pray for healing over her head. We would pray in faith, pray that God would reveal His power and love, and that the burning would stop. Bethany laid hands on her head, and I began to pray, next Bethany prayed. I don’t know how long we prayed for exactly, but as we finished, she looked up at us, peace beginning to show, “Thank you,” she said smiling, “I feel better.” She explained that her head was no longer burning, we felt her head, not only was the heat gone, but it was almost cold, Bethany later told me that she felt a cooling sensation moving from her fingers onto Sara’s head.
God is good, He is merciful, loving, and powerful. He is the healer of all wounds. He cares and He hears our prayers. This happened only our second week and we just now finished writing about it. Much has happened since, and I am confident that there is more to come. The war is not over, but what joy we have to know that we serve a victorious God. We want to continue to love her and to live in the reality of God’s truth that perfect love casts out fear, and that we have authority in Christ. Please pray for boldness, discernment, wisdom, strength, love, time spent with the Lord, and protection. We will update you soon.

Do I Look Fat in This?

Do I Look Fat in This?
Before leaving for Kenya I had assumed there was a universal answer to the titled question. Normally I would also assume that I needn’t tell you that the answer should be a resounding and unquestionable, “NO.” However, after a conversation with a secondary student at school earlier today I realized that not only would this question perhaps not have such a well known reputation, but that neither is the “fat” topic, quite the touchy subject we consider it to be between men and women. What exactly did a high school boy say to me today to prompt me to right such a post? It went a little something like this…
After eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a FEW pringles, I headed out to the school yard to join the students during their lunch break. Benjamin, a 19 year old sophomore Bethany and I have become good friends with approached me smiling as always, with his lunch bowl scraped clean. “Did you have lunch yet?” he asked me. Upon answering him that I had indeed and that I had enjoyed it he turned his eyes to my stomach an announced that I looked “quite full,” his apparently objective comment was accompanied by a chuckle. Taken a bit aback by his laughter I sarcastically responded in a similar fashion as to when a friend back at home told me to stop wearing horizontal stripes, and that my future husband would appreciate me doing a few sit ups. He didn’t seem to understand why I covered my stomach with my hands while telling him not to make fun of me, and consequently insisted that I remove whatever was under my shirt. “Nothing is under my shirt; it’s my stomach Benjamin…” He didn’t believe me and decided to ask our friend prudence what she thought. This whole scenario played out for at least another 5 minutes, and I am quite certain that he remained unaware and unclear as to why I thought he was calling me fat, and why that did not delight me. Needless to say, I don’t think I will ask him his thoughts on my skinny jeans, instead I will leave him to his regular comments on my hair and make-up looking “smart.”
Before leaving for Kenya I had assumed I could gorge myself on In N Out burgers and Ben n Jerry pints, since I had been well assured that missions trips inevitably lead to weight loss. I had affectionately referred to this as my Kenya diet. Clearly I had never been to Kenya and apparently neither had they…

In Case You Were Wondering...

I realized that it may be important or at least beneficial to give you all a rough outline/description of what Bethany and I do most days. So for starters we are working with an organization called First Love Kenya. They have two main places of ministries, a home in Karen for orphaned girls from the slums, and an outreach at a pre-k through 12th grade school in the slums of Kibera.
There are 22 girls at the Karen property at this time. On the property there is also a guest house for visitors/missionaries, a wood shop which will be used to teach a trade to boys who don’t move onto high school, a large dining hall is almost fully constructed, and a three story dormitory is in the making to make more room for the many orphaned boys and girls at the school. The difference between where these children were living before and their home now, is really unfathomable. There are mango trees, a swing set, and peace and quiet, they live in safety, in love, the word that consistently comes to mind each time I visit is “sanctuary.” We spent about 4 consecutive days with the girls last week, working on their homework, singing songs, watching movies, baking cookies, simply loving on girls who for much of their life didn’t know what love meant. You can read some of their stories at www.firstlovekenya.org We continue to visit on the weekends or periodicially throughout the week.
We spend most of our time at the school (Raila Educational Center.) Here First Love has a feeding program that provides porridge in the morning and lunch to the 900 students and staff, for many of the students this is their only source of food. In addition to meeting their physical needs they provide counseling and weekly bible studies. They have also started a ministry called Compassion with which they help students with school fees, school supplies, food and in special cases, rent. The student’s are interviewed, their homes are visited and their stories are recorded, then First Love seeks out sponsors to cover the needs for each individual student. During our days at the school we spend much of our morning serving porridge and washing dishes, for the rest of the day when the students are on break we spend time getting to know them, building relationships and sharing the love of Christ. When the students are in class we may help with office work, aid the teachers in grading exams, or make home visits.
Apart from the literal description of what we do each day I also want to point out that a large part of the trip has been characterized by learning. Learning how to adapt to another culture, learning flexibility and submission, learning what life stripped of American society feels and looks like. Bethany and I both felt called to this trip for numerous reasons. Acting out on our heart for missions in a more tangible way and thus seeking clarity on whether or not we may want to pursue that direction after college was one of the main goals we had for the trip. Though we both agree there have been no “ah ha!”moments of great epiphany, for the first time we are at least getting a taste for something we have only dreamed about until now. And so we are trying to live in a spirit of service, and also learn in the spirit of a student.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dear Reader,

We want you to know God is moving, we want you to know that your prayers are heard, felt, and powerful. We want you to know that your support whether financial, emotional, prayerful, etc is bearing fruit. And we want you to know that we desperately want to glorify God by making known each time we see His mighty power and love, but that we sometimes struggle to find the words to affectively do so. We want to communicate that though there may not yet be posts speaking of healing hands, of hungry children being fed, of souls being nourished, of our pride being broken, and conviction striking deep into our hearts, it doesn’t mean it’s not happening, it doesn’t mean the Lord is not alive and actively working, it simply means our finite minds are still attempting to make sense of the handiwork of an infinite God. We have recently gained more consistent access to the internet and our prayer is that during this second half of the trip, we will have more chances to give voice to our experiences. We want to invite you to engage and connect with us through the blog, we encourage you to share any questions that may come up, comment on what you would like to hear more about, any words the Holy Spirit lays on your heart, offer and of course blessed to hear how the Lord is working in your own life as you follow how God works in ours. We love you, and more importantly Jesus Christ loves you, and your support has been evidence of how much He loves us as well.
Your sisters in Christ,
Bethany and Charlotte

Monday, July 13, 2009

Questions of the Heart

The people I see are not hopeless. Many work hard, hoping that if nothing else, they might provide a way for their children to escape from this place. Other just refuse to be downcast, relying on God for their joy, hoping against hope that he will deliver them in some way. I have seen others with much more than these people have wallowing in self pity, hopeless. One does not truly understand what it is to be stuck in an endless cycle of defeat until one has witnessed a slum in a third world country. Our homeless at least have clean streets and access to public restrooms that are not merely holes in the ground, more often than not, overflowing with the contents of human excrement. There are government sponsored programs that give them enough money to keep themselves fed, and there are other organizations, like local churches, which provide relief from their hardships. These people have none of that. Every day is a struggle to survive, and life or death mean little to most of the inhabitants.

There are never going be reasons enough why suffering exists. Why a mother should live to see her children killed when their home collapses on them, and rescuers are unable to reach them. Or why children should live in abusive homes, suffering physical, verbal, and sexual abuse from their own parents. Or why an innocent victim of rape dies slowly of AIDS. But neither is there ever going to be a good enough reason for why Jesus died on the cross. God took upon himself the suffering of a willfully broken world. He experienced the fullness of the weight of our own foolish rebellion, resulting in death, the death of Jesus Christ, God’s son. God’s son! I do not have any children, but I know myself well enough to say without a doubt that I would never intentionally allow harm to befall my child, and I would have extraordinary difficulty in forgiving anyone who did cause him harm, never mind welcoming such a person as my own child.
-Bethany

The Meaning of Ring Position

In Kenya, wearing a ring on a specific finger has a unique meaning. If you wear a ring on your thumb, that means that you are lonely. A ring on your index finger will tell people that you have recently been dumped, although why you would want to advertise this is beyond me. A ring around your middle finger alerts those who might be interested that you are in a relationship, probably a sexual one. Your fourth finger when adorned by a ring still symbolizes being married. A pinky ring means that you are engaged. I wear my purity ring around my left-hand thumb, and this caught attention from some of the girls. They then informed me that according to the ring tradition, I was advertising loneliness! That was quite a joke to them.
-Bethany

A Car Ride's Worth of Thoughts

We are driving home at dusk, the smell is not exactly pleasant, a smoggy crossbreed of city and rural life, the blues and oranges of the sunset create a stark contrast to the browns and greys of the streets. The exotic acacia trees look like little paper cut outs, silhouetted against the darkening sky. Smiling to myself I take in a long breath, it feels like I’ve lived here for years, and yet lived but a few days because it seems just yesterday that we arrived. My experiences and emotions muddle together with as much contrast as the nature and city here, I can’t imagine living here but I can’t fathom leaving. I miss home at times but it lives only as the feigned scent of cheeseburgers passing by or the distant sound of a familiar friend’s laugh. I crave time to myself but find such rest in the community surrounding me.
I continue to stare out the window, the number of returning stares at the “mzungu” in the back seat (me) exists as the constant reminder of how far removed I am from the reality here. No matter how many times I walk through these streets I will never remained trapped like them, my big brass bed ever waits for me back in America. And yet I wonder, almost worry, that my queen sized bed back at home, framed by my walk in closet and entertainment unit, will trap me in a different way. That it will quietly and comfortably wrap me up in a blanket of apathy and forgotten lessons learned. We make our left turn onto the bumpy dirt road home, I honestly can’t remember the feel of smooth black pavement , no matter, this road is now my road home, and I smile as we empty from the car, kick of our shoes and make our way to our simple but welcoming rooms.
-Charlotte

Prayer Update 07-13-09

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't written as much as I hoped this past week. We've got a somewhat relaxed day ahead of us so hopefully between Bethany and myself we will be able to get a few stories written out for you. For now here is how you can be praying for us these next few days...
  • Continued health, Bethany hasn't been feeling well.
  • Tomorrow (tuesday) we will be helping a few high schoolers at the school study for an English test. Please pray the study session would be fruitful in both knowledge gained and relationship building.
  • Please pray that we would continue to make personal time for the Lord so that we may remained refreshed in His spirit.
  • Rick and Steve flew home Saturday morning, pray for a smooth transition back to life at home.

Creepy Crawlers

Charlotte and I have had some fun critters visit us in our room. When we get home, we can post a video of us early on our first Sunday morning freaking out about this spider that had made its home on my shoe. I had pulled my shoe out from under my bed and was about to put it onto my foot when I saw this massive spider (massive is a relative term...it was probably about the size of a typical sink drain) crawling right for my fingers!!! So naturally, I did what any self-respecting, caught-off-her-guard-totally-unaware, female would do...I screamed and flung the shoe onto the floor all within about a millisecond of first spying the spider. Having scared Charlotte in my initial reaction, I told her that there was a spider on my shoe and so we decided to record the event before disposing of it. I emptied a mug and folded a piece of paper, fully intending to trap it and release it into the great outdoors. That didn't go so well. The spider was a very, very fast runner and was slightly too large for the mug to be an effective tool of capture. Ergo, the spider succeeded in earning a hiding space between the wall and the dresser. Corinne, the oldest daughter of our hosts, Chris and Irene, came in and used our Venus razor package to entrap the spider and then released it. We learned a couple valuable lessons from this: 1) the spider which was assaulting my shoe is a harmless but scary looking variety of spider. In the future, it is safe to even pick it up with your hands to return it to its natural habitat. 2) Always check your shoe before inserting your foot.
-Bethany

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Picture Update

Inside Kibera.
Charlotte helping out in the kitchen, learning to make chapati.

Bethany with some girls from the school in Kibera.



The team, with our hosts Chris and Irene, and our friend Anne.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Prayer Update 6-7-09

  • Please pray Rick and Charlotte would be healed, they have both been feeling sick for a couple of days. Also pray that Steve and Bethany would remain healthy.
  • Yesterday Rick gave a gospel message at the school in Kibera, 3 highschool boys came to Christ. Praise the Lord! Please pray that they will be given a firm foundation to grow upon, and seek our discipleship from the school pastor.
  • Continue to pray for relationships to build at the school and orphanage.

Conversations I Had or Heard this Week...

“How do you feel about Muslims? Do you still like us?” asks a freshman girl with a white head covering. “Of course, we love you, Jesus loves you, why wouldn’t we?” I answer back. The four girls sitting next to us in the grass field smile back brilliantly and the conversation continues. “Since First love came to our school, we see Christians differently,” says 15 year old Ayesha…

· She pulls my arm a little closer to her chest and looks up at me, “My fatha die.” The little girl speaks very little English, what am I supposed to say, “I’m sorry, do you live with your mother?” I hug her tighter. “My motha die,” she stares at the ground and plays with my fingers. “I’m so sorry,” and I hug her again, “Who do you live with?” No answer, she doesn’t understand, she gives me a sad smile, and motions for me to come with her to get some water from the spickit…

· I am crying, its 11 o’ clock at night and the reality of the suffering I saw this week has hit me. I am taking quick short breaths attempting to control my breaking heart from overflowing into tears. “I just don’t understand, they are so strong, I am not strong, they have seen so much, how can I understand?” I say through the choking sobs. “Yes but do you see the hope in their eyes?” asks Rick. I nod my head, tears streaming, I just keep nodding my head.

· “I know God hasn’t forsaken them, I know God hasn’t forgotten them…but sometimes it feels like it. I know why suffering exits but right now I can’t find the answers good enough.”

“There’s never a good enough answer for why there is so much suffering…but then again there is never a good enough answer for why Christ died for us. “

· “We are friends, some people you can’t trust, some people you can’t tell your problems to, they will just laugh. But you, we can trust you guys, right? I know if I need to talk to someone I can tell you, I can come to you when I need someone. We are glad you are staying, we will remember you when you leave.” – freshmen girl talking to Bethany and I

· “What time do you have to be at school in the morning?” I curiously ask 17 year old Benjamin. “We get here about 6:45.” I gasp, “in the morning?” He laughs, “Yes, it’s not that early, but it is earlier for some of us, some of the kid’s moms are too old or weak, some of the kids have to wake everyone else up and get them ready, some of them have to wake up very early to make breakfast for their families or to sell.” …the next morning I bought mandazi (something like a small fried donut) from Benjamin who tried to sell it to the other students for 5 shillings, that’s about the equivalent of 7 cents…

Our Day in the Slums

How does one describe the slums of Kibera?

It is very difficult.

The area is about 2 square miles. It ‘houses’ anywhere from 800,000 to 1.2 million people. The dirt is a dark red, and you can’t escape getting somewhere on your clothes, caked on your shoes.
It clings to you as if to say, “You won’t be able to just brush this off.”
There is only one or two roads going through the nicer parts, everything else is a winding footpath between huts. An average house in Kibera is maybe, mmm…ten by ten. One of these rooms will sleep 5-8 people.

I’m not sure how to describe the reaction I had the other day when we went to visit a boy who was home sick from school. Rick and I went with the school chaplain and a boy named Moses, who lived with the sick boy. Our journey took us about a half mile from the school, and down a narrow path off of the main road. The path weaved its way among metal shanties and mud houses, and we were forced to step around women and children doing the washing outside their doors. Now, you must understand, a ‘path’ means the dry places and high spots where you step to avoid muddy piles of plastic bags and the trickling stream of water and sewage. It pulls the bottom right out of your stomach. If this was your life, this would be your daily walk to school, to work, to go anywhere.

The two boys who lived in this small room together were lucky, we were told. To be out on their own and to have so much space to themselves was unusual. Their room consisted of one bed small bed (which they shared,) a small table, a couple of stools, and some water jugs. A light bulb hung from the ceiling, and their towels hung above the edge of their bed to dry. We prayed for Eric, who had chicken pox, and left.

For some reason I imagined slum dwellers to be something very different from myself. It is easy when you see a documentary about such places to distance yourself from the human-ness of it. The visuals are all chopped up so you can digest small portions. You can’t smell the smells, you don’t hear the sounds, and you listen to some person far away through the voice of a translator. But when you are there, you can’t get away from it. You can’t pause the experience or change the channel. But Moses and Eric live there. I know their names. I have shaken both of their hands, looked them in the eyes. They are very good boys, and they are both good students. Eric is first in his class. He wants to be a journalist. Moses wants to be an accountant. Are these the people who live in the world’s slums?

On the way back, I listened to Moses tell me everything I could wish to know about the Kenyan system of government. I can now tell you how many readings a bill goes through in the Kenyan Parliament before the president signs it. And as we were walking and talking, I realized, this guy is just as intelligent as I am, maybe more so. He knows more about his government than I know about mine! Forgive me for saying it, but I always imagined people in slums to be very…simple. Maybe like…they could only be educated so far, but their circumstances really have handicapped them. But no, they are no different than me. And I don’t know why, but that’s scary. I need a bigger God for that, a bigger God to sort this one out. How can so many, over 1 million just in Kibera, be so shortchanged? It’s easier to deal with it when we can assume that there is some sort of justification for why they are there, and that there really isn’t much hope for helping them.

But thankfully, Chris and Irene are here, helping one child at a time. First Love makes a world of difference to the kids who come to school because there is food, and also hear the Good News there. The orphanage is coming along SO WELL! Rick was amazed at how much they had gotten done in just a few months since he was last here. I’m impressed as well.

Kwaheri! (goodbye in Kiswahili)
-Steve the Intern

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Day Two

I didn|t know we would have internet access again so I hadnt quite collected my thoughts but I will do my best to give you a bit more of an update.

I can hardly believe how much we saw and did just yesterday. By the time we got into bed last night it felt like the plane flight here was weeks ago! Upon arriving, Chris (The man we are staying with who runs First Love Kenya) brought us back to his house where his wife was waiting for us with a full breakfast, it was nice to eat a table instead of a fold out tray. We are so blessed to be staying in the home. We got a look around the house and backyard, said hello to the chickens and saw where we would be washing our clothes...by hand :)

Later we drove through the city on our way to visit the school the organization serves with. As we made our way through the bumpy streets I still couldnt grasp the fact I was in another country, and not only another country but finally on the continent my heart has been waiting to set foot on. Its still so sureal. When we arrived at the school the kids seemed shy...at first. I asked for a tour of the grounds and Bethany I were introduced to various classes, they asked a lot of questions two of which included whether we knew Michael Jackson or our govenator. Upon hearing I am studying to be a teacher, many of the kids asked if I was going to teach them, Chris later said that he would appreciate us helping the girls with their english, I am excited to see how it will all work. One girl asked me to help her with a math question, for those of you that know me at all, you can only assume that it ended up a rather embarrassing situation since I was really of quite little help. I have also realized yet aagin that my name is not an easy one and that "Charlie" will have to work for the next two months.

We later visited the Orphanage property in Karen that Firs Love has built. It is astounding! They have 22 girls living their right now and our working on building room for more. They have a woodshop to teach boys a trade who do not continue onto highschool. They are building more dormitories, a large dining hall, the have a small house for those working on the property as well an extensive garden for food and some swings for the girls. It is a beautiful project that I truly see God in. We are all looking foward to spending more time there.

I have not quite collected my thoughts and impressions on all that I have seen but I must point out one of the most obvious things I have noticed. The Kenyan people are incredibly welcoming and kind, I could not count the number of times I was told to feel at home in Kenya, and I do. I can't wait to share more with you all.
Blessings,
Charlotte

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Jambo!

Thank you for your prayers everyone! We as well as our luggage have arrived safely in Kenya! All of us agree it hasn't quite hit as that we are here, maybe its the jetlag combined with over 30 hours of travel, but we are so excited to be seeing the places God will have us over the next 7 weeks. The family we are staying with is incredibly welcoming and friendly, and greeted us with some very yummy chai this morning. This week we would love prayer to get acclimated quickly, that we would bond with the children, and for God's mercy and protection of our health. God bless!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Today is the Day!

So its 8:45 on this typical sunday morning, and I still feel as if I am simply going to head to church, then maybe out to lunch with friends before heading for work. So basically it has yet to hit me that at 4:30 this afternoon we will be taking off from the San Francisco Airport on our way to...Africa. I wonder if it will hit me when we are taking off or if I will be there a whole week before really coming into the reality of it all. Anyway I am still unsure of how often I will be able to update this but will let you all know asap.

For a quick financial update we are now only $500 short and are all able to go on the trip. Praise the Lord! Please pray today and tomorrow that none of our baggage will be lost or damage, for smooth travels, and that God would use us even in the lives of those we meet in airports and on the planes!
Sister in Christ,
Charlotte

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Countdown Begins...

We leave in just about one week so as we seek to make all the final preparations we greatly appreciate your prayers! Here are some specific ways you can be praying for our team over the next few days...



  • As a team we are short about $1,700. God's provision has been astounding thus far, please pray we raise the remaining as soon as possible.
  • We will be starting our malaria pills this week and the side effects could be a bit unpleasent please pray that said side effects would not become an issue.
  • Pray that God would move mightly in this next week to empty us of ourselves so that we may go into the trip filled with the Holy Spirit and be unifed as a team in Him.
  • As always prayer for traveling mercies are greatly appreciated

As a side note this is my (Charlotte) first time out of the country and first lengthy missions trip, that being said I would gladly welcome any words of advice and tips when it comes to packing and traveling :)

Friday, June 19, 2009

Whispers

The sun’s brilliant colors engulfed the mountainous sky as dusk set in on her drive home from another long day at school. The unexpected but welcomed beauty outside quieted her thoughts as they turned towards praise to the creator of both her heart and the sunset, “Lord, thank you for the sunset, thank you for its display of your majesty, I can’t imagine a more beautiful sky.” She drove silently with only the sound of her prayers interrupted by a whisper in her heart, “Africa has beautiful sunsets…” Her eyebrows furrowed as if squinting to hear it again and turned her gaze towards the hills and sunset with searching eyes. “Africa,” her heart leaped up into her throat and she shook her head as if to make the words would fall right out of ears onto the floor. But the sound was not heard by her ears, but rather felt by her soul, her heart. For the second time it came, “Africa.” Finally she spoke aloud, “Africa? God? What about it? I can’t go there, I don’t want to go there,” and again she retreated to her thoughts “I must be going crazy, I just made that up, it was a long day. Me a missionary?” she laughed to herself. “ That’s ridiculous, I could never…” “Africa,” Her chest began to pound again “A-F-R-I-C-A” it was being carved into her heart.
Frantically she turned up her radio attempting to drown out the call she knew she had heard. She drove faster, desperate to get home and shut herself up in her room. She raced into the house, shut the door behind her and sought distraction in phone calls no one would answers, tv shows she couldn’t focus on, and radio stations that sang nothing but static. An hour passed and still her heart had not stopped beating to the drums of the far off continent.

She tore through a journal, her pen furiously staining line after line with tormenting denial, “no no no, not me, you’ve got it wrong, I heard you wrong…” she wrote again and again till her hand refused to write and pushed her to her knees. There by her bedside she knelt, on an ordinary evening, beige carpet underfoot, God’s voice overhead.

There fear began its negotiations as tears welled up behind closed eyes, “Ok Lord, if you want me to go on a trip I’ll go.”
Silence.

“I’ll go wherever you want as long as its short term, I can do short term right?”

Silence.

For what seemed like hours she argued with the unrelenting silence. Her hands began to tremble as the words rushed through her veins, “that’s not what I asked of you.”
“Oh but God, can’t you tell me when, at least tell me where, how long, why must I go, send someone who wants it, my heart is here in America, I’ll serve full time here” she cried out once more.

Would you die for me?”
She knew her answer, “yes.”
Then live for me.”
Silence.
Then it came, each salty drop of water spelling out her surrender, “Wherever you want me, whenever you want me, however long…I will go.”
Peace and a holy fear flooded the soul behind her awestruck eyes, while her small hands remained clasped as joyful praise found her on her knees.
Again she whispered “I will go.”


This conversation between my heart and God’s took place in october of 2005. My memory is obvioulsy prone to imperfection but the echoes of what God showed me that night still remain clear and so this story is just that, an echoe of the moment God began to point my heart to the nations. This summer my where is Kenya and my when is now.

Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

May my heart continually sing “here I am, send me.”